Cardio and Fat burning, Another week down and fighting the EGO

So I have this handy little App for my Motorola Xoom that tracks my workouts calories spent and lets me log my lifts. Its pretty handy although I think its a little much on the calorie burning. It's telling me I burned almost 6k cals this week from workouts and sports alone. Almost 2 lbs of pure fat right ( 3500cals to 1lb a fat)  I'm not buying it but it does give me a good rough Idea.   Naturally the body burns many calories at rest as well and the more muscle mass you have the more cals you burn just to stay alive.  Breathing, eating, walking, working, even sleeping burns cals. So this should give any one looking to drop weight a good baseline. There are many calculators online that you can use to determine what your body burns each day at rest. Determining this number and going from there is the easy part.  The hardest part is dieting. I love food, and there is a lot of it here to eat. Its free, its 24 hrs and its not terrible. The selections are fair at best, but my crutch is sweets.  ice cream choclate etc. and that is in abundance here. So far I have been good almost 1 month down and I've had 2 pieces of cheesecake and no ice cream yet. But i did have pizza last night so its a wash. My ego gets in the way of the other part of dieting and that is strength loss. For the last 4 years I have tried to change from the low rep range heavy weight build mass be huge mentality, a more streamlined, efficient, good looking, functional shape. With that vanity and ab muscles comes loss of peak power.  Peak power that I spent 15 years building. Growing up a skinny kid I did everything possible after highschool to go from 160lbs to a high of 242lbs. I was benching almost 400lbs, squating and deadlifting over 500lbs Life was great. Joints hurt, I couldnt wipe my ass, couldnt run a mile, but I could bench press a buick. After I hung up the football gear in 2008 I started to trim back. lost strength, mentality I couldnt hand and went back hard.

Got to Florida and the end of 2009 and a new job brought with it a new chance to change. No colleagues to tell me I have gotten smaller, and a squadron full of gazelles that ran 5ks for warm ups  Over the next 1.5 yrs I dropped 20lbs, improved my run time, could wipe my own ass and my joints don't hurt so bad. With that again came a loss o peak strength, I'm struggling with 330lb Bench, I cannot tell you when I max squatted or even dead lifted. I feel good. I don't look the way I want yet, but mentally i'm starting to feel the itch to go heavy and hard again. I have no idea why, I'm almost 33, I have 2 kids, i'm washed up and not chasing tail so I have no idea why the ego. I guess I just don't want to let go of the accomplishments I worked so hard for and sacrificed a lot to reach. Often times I come across old pictures of my " heyday" and I think. Damn I was scary big lol. I hope this month I can finally turn that corner, diet is almost in place, cardio is picking up. Hopefully I can achieve new goals I set for myself even if my Ego doesn't want to make it happen. After all I leave on a beach, why would I not want to look the part?