In the last 7 days I've biked 15 miles, ran a 5K, surfed for 3 hours, and fit as much gym time in as possible during and after work. The hardest part of all this is finding time to do it, and the motivation to do it. Mentally I have just had little to no desire to train. Getting started is literally forcing myself into the gym or the run or the ride. Once i get moving and get into it though mentally i come around. I wish I could bottle that happy place up and take it as a pill. Especially on the tough days when getting out of bed even makes me angry. That happy place for me only occurs during 2 events. Ironically one is loud music blaring in my ears and banging the iron in the gym until my body is screaming in pain, the more hurt the better. The other is the opposite end of the spectrum, sitting on a surf board floating in the water under the sun listening to the waves crash. Those are the only two places in which mentally I am at peace and all is right in the world.
Uncertainty in my future, uncertainty in life each day has just bogged me down, to the point that I am just miserable all the time. On the flipside my body should show results quicker since some type of physical activity gets me in a good mood lol. I guess i am just burned out, Literally burned out, school, work and family. I am literally just non stop. Even though I have a shade over 2 years left in the military, every night i lose sleep over what I am going to do. Do I finally punch out of active duty, go int he reserves and hope and pray my current base accepts me into a civilian slot or do I re-enlist assuring me that I am stuck for 10 more years in uniform with PCS moves, deployments and daycare like coddling. FML. could it be worse, sure it could be but right now its what makes me miserable.
on the flipside even though I have no desire to want to go to the gym, once I am there training goes great lol. Makes no sense, just like anything else I do ha!
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